If your teen is addicted to your fireplace, he/she may be a Pyro.

This is starting to be a rising problem in Sunset Valley. A certain teen came to school one day and set a chair on fire, which it quickly distinguished itself. But now every teen from every clique is finding this fun! Your own teen could be affected. Is your teen…

• Wanting to set an apple or apple seed on fire?

• Wanting to set random objects on fire?

• Wants a fireplace or outdoor firepit installed in your home?

• Wants to cook all of the time on the stove or grill?

• Liking all of the cooking fires in your home?

• Saying that firefighters are hot?

• Saying that fire detectors are a waste of money?

If you said yes to any of the above, then you are urged to contact Pyro Anonymous (Otherwise known as PY). They will run tests on the teen in question to find out if he or she really is a Pyro, since they could also be Insane or a Daredevil.

Protect YOUR teen today! And help Sunset Valley with this pressing problem.

A couple that has been relieved from TTBS, although their relationship has suffered from it.

Breaking News! The Sim scientists that have been working day and night on the Talking Through Bear Syndrome have found a cure! They discovered that it was in the coding of the bear to make everyone to compulsively pick the bear up and talk to everyone, canceling out any activity that either party was instructed to do so.

“This is a wonderful day!” stated a Landgrabb scientist that has been on the project since the beginning, “Now everyone can buy a bear for their newborn and enjoy it, not fear it.”

Now that the syndrome has been cure, the manufacturer is working hard to compensate for the mistake it had caused. The bear now comes in any style that you’d like. Want one in wood? They can make it to order for you! From woods to metals, you can have your ideal bear!

There are two side-effects: It changes how everyone looks and it doesn’t repair relationship damage. But this is a small price to pay for such a wonderful cure to this horrible problem.

Jake Snake doing a street-side show in Egypt

Jake Snake, a well-known Snake Charmer is coming to Sunset Valley on Tour!

This snake-loving guy announced that he was going to take his hobby to all corners of the Sim World, and now Sunset Valley is first on the list of the places he will go.

Originally from Egypt, Jack Snake suffered from hard times when he was a child until a snake was discovered in his house. With a screaming mother next to him, he decided the only way to get it out was to charm it with his good looks are his musical instrument. Next thing he knew, his mother wouldn’t stop hugging him and he quickly raised to fame from being a snake exterminator and then the recreational sport of snake charming when he turned into an adult.

This Charmer has won many award to date. Some including the Charming Grammy, the Charming Snake Annual Contest Award, even the Sims Got Talent Award!

To reserve tickets, contact Wilsonoff Community Theater. Be quick though, the tickets are expected to go quickly.

An image found at the scene of the crime

Saturday night around seven pm, a fire broke out in the Thompson’s house.

A family consisting of three boys and the mother were inside sleeping when the mysterious fire erupted from the downstairs. A nanny, hired by Nanny Co, was also in the house when it first broke out.

Apparently, the family wasn’t very conscious while placing their three fireplaces that day and put them right on carpets, which caught on fire.

They also had three Christmas tree lights on for over the time limit, which also caused a bigger fire to break out.

Before the night was over, the mother and her eldest son were claimed by the raging inferno. By morning, the nanny was pronounced dead, leaving the two younger boys. But, not knowing that there was a fire, Nanny Co sent another nanny to meet her death with the two younger boys.

This house was out in the country, so no one was able to hear them screaming. They also lacked a phone and a fire alarm, making it impossible for anyone to help this family.

After a day, the Sim City Police found the house burnt to a crispy toaster pastry and the urns of the people inside. The Sims Times asked them about the cause of the fire,

“The cause is user related. Obviously someone from the great beyond didn’t like this family and decided that fire was the most humane way to kill them. That ‘person’ should have tried death by flies, it’s quicker.”

Later in the day, the police also found an urn hidden in a closed off room. According to the DNA tests, it was the remains of the long lost father of the family as well. This death is also being blamed on this ‘user’ person.

The Sim City Police is offering an award of a hundred thousand simoleons to find who this ‘user’ is and to convict him of Sim Mishap charges.

Mrs. Crumplebottom pulling weeds

Weeds are every sim’s problem. Even when every preventive measure has been taken, the weeds still seem to grow. However, the elders of the community seem to be taking it a little bit too serious.

While any normal sim, the weeds get pulled whenever there is a day off of work or the gardener takes care of it. However, the elders seem to be more impatient.

If they wake up from their afternoon nap and look outside and see a weed, they’ll run out to pull it.

If they wake up in the middle of the night, they will do the same thing. But, what may burn the neighbor’s eyes is that if the elders just got done woohooing or even sleeping in their underwear, the elders will still run out to pull the weeds, without putting on actual clothes!

When asking a local mother, Angela Charters, about this elder obsession, she had this to say “I don’t know why elders would want to do this. Not only is it embarrassing them, but it is scaring the young children on the street for life. Who would want to look at grandma’s underwear?”

A local boy managed to get us this picture of Mrs. Crumplebottom pulling weeds in her underwear. When we tried to go to her mountain home to get an interview, she wouldn’t answer the door. But it should be a relief for all elders who are guilty at this task since even uptight Crumplebottom is guilty.

A couple struggling with the disease

A new disease is spreading through Sim City. The scientists call it “Talking through Bear Syndrome”, TTBS for short.

TTBS causes everyday people to go out to buy a ‘teddy bear’ and then go to everyone they know and talk through the bear to the people. The talk can range from money issues to last night’s episode of Sim Survivor.

While one time may seem harmless and silly, the infected person can get addicted to it, causing the friends and family to get annoyed and can get stopped in every activity from this.

Unfortunately, the scientists can’t seem to find a reason for all of this. They are currently running psychological and biological tests on those who were affected to see if they can find anything.

Until then, the Sim City Scientists Community advise to not buy any teddy bears for children or for dates, as there might be a contamination on them, but they are currently too busy to study the toys until the other tests are done.

Family and friends hanging out by the pool

With summer just around the corner, the Sim Health and Safety Institute is getting the word around about pool safety. The Sims Times thought that the suggestions were good and decided to publish them for our reader’s sakes.

TIP 1: Do NOT run around the pool. This could cause a hazard for our younger sim children as they are more likely to slip and fall.

TIP 2: Suntan Lotion. For all of those ladies and gentlemen who enjoy a good tan, be sure to put on that lotion! The last thing you need is to be a lobster at the next barbecue.

TIP 3: Fences are your friends. Be sure that your pool area is fenced in and the gate is locked. This way it’ll keep out any pesky neighbors from your pool.

TIP 4: Hot Tubs are NOT for kids. Children are more likely to get burned or overheated in hot tubs, therefore it is more dangerous for them. Make sure your kids stay away from them.

TIP 5: Stay Alert! It is the parent’s job to watch the kids in the pool so be sure to be watching them when they go in. Don’t start napping on the job. It is also a good idea to watch out for friends too, when there is no lifeguard present.

TIP 6: Turn off the grill. When grilling your favorite ribs or hot dogs, be sure to turn off the grill afterwards. You don’t want to catch your house on fire!

TIP 7: Tell EVERYONE these tips. Do yourself and your kids a favor by telling everyone about these tips. Also, if you own a pool, be sure to lay down the rules in the beginning to avoid arguments in the end.

The Oh So Cold having a weekly meeting

From soccer to ballet, Sim City is trying to broaden the horizons for the youngsters in Sim Land.

The next sport the city decided to focus on is ice skating. This fitness activity is fun for all ages, along grandma can stand the cold.

A group of children, consisting of only girls, decided to start the Oh So Cold club.

The president, Mary, had this to tell us, “Oh So Cold is just a fun club for anyone to join. Currently there is only girls in the club, but we are looking for guys too.”

Another member, Victoria, said “It is so much fun getting out here to hang out with people we love. It feels like right when we put on our skates, we are bonded through such a simple activity.”

If you would like to join in the fun, the Oh So Cold club is having a fundraiser to help them get new skates for any newcomers who cannot afford them. Just go to Central Park on Saturdays and they’ll be there to teach new tricks and to collect donations. They are also selling buttons and t-shirts of all kinds.

Property of the SimCity Police. Evidence showing a robbery taking place.

The rave all this week is burglary. With the sudden increase of the job market for criminals, all different crimes are on the rise.

The main crime that is being committed is burglary. But the twist is that because there is so much competition in the job market to get in the top crime rings, criminals are no longer restricting themselves to the nighttime, instead they are switching to the day shift

“We are currently investigating the problem of daytime burglaries,” said an official source of the SimCity Police, “In the meantime, we highly recommend that Sims have their doors and windows locked at all times. Don’t even let your werewolf or cat outside the house. Only leave your house when you have to.”

The Sims Times managed to get an incriminating picture from the police that was taken by a college student while visiting his friend’s house. When asking the student about the picture, he told us, “Dude, it was awesome! Here I was just chilling and all of a sudden a burglar just crawled through the window and took the Murphy bed in his fancy endless bag! Dude, he looked like Spiderman! Only that he could work on his outfit and presentation a little bit more.”

If you have any connections or information to this rash of daytime burglaries, you are asked to contact SimCity Police.

Two of the GAWS teams playing a friendly game of soccer.

The public Sim Elementary School of Pleasantview has just launched a new program to encourage young Sims to get active. This program is called Get Active with Soccer, GAWS for short.

What GAWS does is gets children up off the couch and the computer and out playing soccer with fellow students. The coaches show them the rules of the games and they do drills to advance the skills of every player on the team.

They get divided up into separate teams to play against each other at the end of every practice. This program teaches sportsmanship as well as teamwork, shaping the next generation of sims.

“This is an attempt to fight obesity,” says Coach Ivy Copur. “And it helps even the geekiest sim make some new friends.”

Ecstatic soccer mom Shannon Turner has two of her children enrolled into this program, “This program is GREAT!” she cheers, “Before my son Riley used to play video games all day and my daughter Demi just read and read. But now they are socializing! It’s wonderful! I’d recommend it to anyone!”

If you want your son or daughter enrolled in this program and is a child, contact GAWS by phone at 834-555-6078 or email them at gawsrules@simelementary.edu.

GAWS are also looking for a llama mascot for their next big game, so contact them if you are a teen or older and if you have spirit!